The Fleetingness of Sanity
by JuliaBC
Summary: Pinch hit for MiladyGirl cause she needs this right now. Alex has an awkward moment. Or several. Probably not complete.
1. Chapter 1

Alex straightened, trying to get the kink out of her back.

"Are you okay?" Reid asked, voice concerned.

"I'm fine," Alex said, shifting a little bit more.

Reid stepped forward. "You look like you've got some sort of sprain," he said helpfully.

"I slept wrong," Alex admitted. "And I can't...there's this kink. I can't get it."

Reid again stepped forward, hesitantly reaching out. "I took a class once," he said. "It wasn't very good, the instructor was a flake, but the book was good."

"You're the person who doesn't like touching people," Alex hedged.

"You're in pain, Alex," he said flatly, and reached out, feeling her back. "Okay. Yeah, there's a definite spasm here." He placed his hand on her shoulder, bracing it, and with his other hand pushed on the spot mid back.

Alex almost shrieked in pain. "What the hell, Reid?"

"Just let me know how it feels," Reid said immediately, placing his hands up as in self defense.

"It feels like you just..." Alex broke off. "It's almost gone. It is gone." She raised an eyebrow at Reid. "Wow. That actually worked. I thought you killed me and it worked."

"Don't doubt the master," Reid said. "You slept wrong?"

"Yeah," Alex said, nodding emphatically, remembering the previous night. "Really wrong. I don't know what happened."

To be honest, though, she did. She knew exactly why her back had been killing her, and exactly why she'd slept wrong. She could think of about five solid reasons why, and one of them was about to walk through the door to the conference room.

Reid had drifted back to the board, bending to grab a book.

"Hey, Hotch," Alex said, drawing the word out.

"I have to apologize," Hotch said, walking quickly forward. "I don't know what the hotel management will say, but we can say it was my room all along."

"Hotch," Alex repeated, holding up her hand.

"I didn't mean to wreck the bed, Alex," Hotch said, scraping a hand through his hair. "I don't know what came over me."

"Hotch," Alex repeated, her cheeks flushed.

"But maybe I do," he said softly. "Your hair looks really good today, Alex."

Behind him, a book clapped to the floor.

Hotch whirled around, one hand going to his gun hip, and his face turned a rather odd color when he saw Reid standing there; the genius's face had a matching pallor.

"Um," Reid said. "I'm going to pretend that I didn't hear this conversation."

"Please do," Hotch said, in a rather strangled tone. "I...didn't realize we weren't alone. Not for your lack of trying, Alex."

He looked around him, a bit lost. "I need to call JJ and ask how she and Morgan are doing on that interview," he finally muttered, leaving the room.

Reid stared at Alex, mouth working. "So. Still no idea why you slept funny last night?"

Alex bit her lip. "Um."

"The linguist with nothing to say," Reid chuckled. "Though I have to admit, if I got a certain someone alone in a hotel room, I'm not sure the bed would survive it either."

"Who?" Alex gasped.

"Profile it," Reid said slyly, picked up a book and left.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: An alternate chapter title for this is, everyone but Alex is grumpy in this chapter and I'm not sure why.

* * *

"Ice cream," Hotch said suddenly, eyes lighting up.

"Sorry?" Rossi asked, in the middle of picking up his go bag.

"You're right, Hotch, we forgot," Morgan said. "I'll tell the rest and we'll meet you there."

"Am I missing something?" Rossi asked.

Hotch nodded. "Yeah, there's this little ice cream place run by a woman whose life we saved. Before even Reid joined the Bureau, actually. It was Morgan's first case on the team."

"That's a long time ago," Rossi commented.

"We try to stop in there whenever we're in the area," Hotch said, voice softening. "Sometimes it doesn't happen." He smiled. "But sometimes it does. I'm going to call the pilot and tell him to stand by."

Rossi nodded, and wondered how important this could be to them.

* * *

Alex felt the same confusion, but tried to not let it show when JJ and Reid both took the phone call from Morgan the same way: very matter of factly, merely taking a right turn instead of a left.

"We'll probably get there before them, so I can take all the time I want to decide," JJ said happily; Reid was at the wheel. "And Spence, please get the almond milk ice cream this time. You know what dairy does to you."

"I don't tell you what to eat," Reid said back, only slightly meaning it. "Come on, you know that non dairy ice cream sucks. Even Roberta's."

"Fine," JJ heaved a sigh. "Order what you like and I won't say anything."

"Just like I won't say anything when you order a sundae with sixteen different toppings on it because you can't decide," Reid said.

"End argument," Alex said from the back, intervening. "Okay, fill me in here: Who's Roberta?"

"She's an old friend," JJ said, meeting Alex's gaze in the rearview mirror. "Morgan and Hotch saved her life before Spence and I were even on the team. They go way back. She opened an ice cream shop about six months after they rescued her and we go back almost every time we're in the area."

"What kind of case was it?" Alex asked, curious.

JJ tipped her head, considering. "You know, I never actually asked," she said, voice softer. "I know that it was nasty. The guy was a real piece of work and Roberta...well, you'll see when you meet her. She lives a normal life, though. She's done good with her life, and what remains of it. I think that's part of why Morgan and Hotch always want to stop here, to remind themselves that people can move on...even from the worst things."

Alex nodded, preparing herself for the worst when she saw Roberta...and the best. She didn't even know what happened but any woman or man that could pick themselves up after things went drastically wrong won an A+ in Alex's book of life.

* * *

Roberta smiled wide at them when they walked through the door. She was much younger than Alex had been hoping, and she couldn't help the tear that came to her eye. She was wearing very long sleeves, even in the summer's heat, and Alex could tell from how she held it that they were covering some sort of burns.

She spoke in sign language. _It's so good to see you two again! You haven't changed a bit, Dr. Reid! Except maybe you are more handsome._

 _Spence,_ Reid replied, spelling it out.

 _JJ, it is good to see you too. And who's this? Quite a change from Agent Greenaway._ Roberta signed the words quickly, and both Reid and Alex were more than able to keep up. JJ was mostly profiling what was said; she was doing a good job.

 _I'm Alex Blake,_ Alex told her, and Roberta's eyes lit up when she saw that Blake understood her. _I'm very pleased to meet you._

Roberta led them to a table. _Just tell me what you want, and it is on the house. Will Agents Hotchner and Morgan be joining you?_

 _Any moment now_ , Reid replied and Roberta looked excitedly to the door, bouncing a little on her feet.

 _I can't wait,_ she said.

 _We'll wait until they get here to order,_ Reid said.

 _Can I have some iced tea?_ Alex signed and Roberta hurried off to get it, looking to the door every third second to see if Hotch and Morgan were there yet.

"Let me guess," Alex said, voice very quiet. "She didn't need sign language before the UnSub got hold of her."

There was a look of quiet anger and resignation in JJ's eyes. "You guessed it," she replied. "But as I said...she's made the best of her life."

"One of the best signers I've ever seen," Alex admitted.

As they watched, Rossi and Morgan entered the restaurant, Rossi looking around him and taking his sunglasses off casually. He saw JJ, Reid and Alex sat at one table and started over, looking back at Morgan but he was staying by the counter, arms folded.

When Roberta emerged, she almost dropped the ice tea, running forward to fling her arms around Morgan's neck.

"Hey, it's so good to see you," Morgan said, hugging her tight. "You have done amazing things with this place. I wish we could come here more often, Bobby."

Roberta nodded, and Alex could see tears sparkling in the young woman's eyes. She started to sign furiously fast, and Morgan chuckled. "Hold on a minute," he said. "I need to introduce you to Rossi."

She nodded, picking up the tea again, but Morgan, chuckling took it from her, escorting her to the table and placing the tea in front of Alex.

"Nice profiling," Alex said, mildly impressed.

Morgan just shrugged; usually he would have been smug but now his attention was on Roberta...or Bobby, as he'd called her.

"This is David Rossi," Morgan introduced. "He's been with us so long it shocks me into realizing how long it has been since we've seen you."

Roberta nodded. _Much too long. I missed you guys._

Morgan nodded, gently patting her shoulder. "Hotch and I think about you all the time," he promised.

 _I pray for you guys every single day_ , Roberta signed.

Morgan followed the words, watching carefully. "Thank you," he said sincerely.

She nodded. _Where is Agent Hotchner?_

"He'll be here," Reid replied vocally this time.

Roberta nodded, looking to the door again. _JJ, do you want to figure out your order soon? I know that you take a lot of time to decide._

Reid told JJ the fullness of what Roberta had said and JJ burst out laughing. "You remember me all too well, Roberta, I'm embarrassed now."

Roberta just winked, something they all understood.

"You know, I have to go to the counter and actually look at the toppings to decide," JJ said, a faint flush on her cheeks, standing up and pushing her chair back.

"There's no shame in being particular," Alex said, a bit puzzled.

"Trust me, Alex, JJ is anything but particular when it comes to ice cream," Rossi teased, and JJ shoved his head on her way to the counter. "It's like a dump truck."

"Shut it, Rossi," JJ said. "Some people like variety. I don't know why you guys always mock me for it."

Alex raised an eyebrow, but then watched in awe as JJ very carefully custom ordered a sundae.

"I want a base layer of chocolate ice cream," JJ said, as Roberta carefully started to scoop.

"Just watch the show," Morgan told Alex.

"Now a nice, thick layer of the hot caramel," JJ said. "And now, candy. Okay. The brownie bites. Mmhmm, m&ms, ooh, those little peanut butter cups...the crushed heath bar, yes please. And the butterfingers too, can't forget those."

Alex watched in awe, and slight horror, as JJ picked out several more types of candy, then topping it off with a huge swirl of whipped cream.

"Are you secretly still three inside?" Rossi asked her as she returned, fairly glowing from the splendor of her sundae.

"When it comes to build your own sundae bars, yes," JJ said, all shame disappearing as she took a bite of whipped cream. "My god, this is good."

Hotch walked in then, pulling sunglasses off of his face, and he completely looked past the team, something Alex had never seen before, until his eyes lit on Roberta.

Alex wasn't sure she'd ever seen such a genuine and true smile on his face as he walked forward to embrace her. The team couldn't hear what the two said but Alex had a feeling that everyone's hearts had turned into giant puddles of mush before Hotch walked over to the table, beaming at the girl beside him.

"Everyone ordered yet?" Hotch asked.

"We were waiting for you," Reid said. "At least, everyone but JJ."

"You didn't need to wait," Hotch said, and they all placed an order with Roberta; Alex was impressed when she didn't take any notes.

"So," Rossi said, looking at Reid. "Dairy ice cream. Doesn't that just _promise_ trouble?"

"So?" Reid challenged.

"Fair enough," Rossi said.

"I don't see why you guys always gang up on me and Spence when we get ice cream," JJ complained.

"The pot is calling the kettle black," Reid bickered. "You were the first person to tell me to get ice cream with almond milk."

"Okay," Alex said in a soft aside to Rossi. "They've been bickering like an old married couple for this whole past case. Know what's up?"

"Years and years of UST?" Rossi said. "Besides that, I've got nothing."

Alex shrugged. "That works for me," she said, picking up her iced tea.

"What works for you?" Hotch asked, and Alex choked on her tea to see him watching her like that, considering what Reid had overheard earlier.

She could see the genius across the table but he and JJ were, thankfully, still arguing about what he'd ordered vs. what she'd ordered so she turned back to Hotch. "Rossi's theory."

"Rossi has a theory?" Reid asked, his ears picking up on something intellectual sounding to break him away from his fight with JJ. "About what?"

Rossi raised an eyebrow at Alex. "The ball is in your court," he said slyly.

"What?" Alex said, but Reid was watching her expectantly and JJ was taking another bite of ice cream, blissfully unaware of people speculating about her and the man next to her. "Um. About profiling. That is, why we picked the flavors we picked."

"So what's his theory?" Reid asked. "About why I still pick dairy ice cream? Or about Morgan's order?"

"Why target me?" Morgan protested.

"Come on," Reid said. "You always order the most sophisticated one on the menu, like Brazilian Coffee with Lightly Dusted Chocolate Truffle Chunks and when it comes you barely eat any of it because you actually wanted the Super Smash with twelve different kinds of candy like JJ but that's too immature."

"Hey!" Morgan said, laughing. "Not fair. I don't eat it because halfway through I realize how much sugar there is in it and I have to shove it away. I am always in training, Pretty Boy, even if you aren't."

"I think there's something to what Reid suggested though," Hotch said idly, and then realized just how deeply he'd put his foot into it.

"Bring it," Morgan said.

"Fine," Hotch said, leaning back in his seat and crossing his arms. Alex sat up a little straighter, knowing that she was about to see Profiler Hotch in action. Profiler Hotch always made her a little more...everything.

"Even though you've been in this unit for more than nine years, you still feel odd when we go out for silly things like ice cream," Hotch began. "Like you have the be the grown up of the bunch. You feel like you always have to impress so you go for the, what was it Reid said, the most sophisticated one on the menu, when you'd really be much happier with the Skittles Rainbow."

Morgan was biting something back, and then reluctantly burst out laughing, standing up and walking to the counter, a definite challenge in his swagger. "Hey, Roberta!" He called. "Is it too late to change my order? I'd like the Skittles Rainbow Super Smash."

Alex, craning her neck, could see Roberta sign that that was fine and Morgan walked back to the table. "Then let's go for you, Hotch," he drawled. "Why do you always only order plain chocolate? Because you're old and bitter and you need a flavor to complement that."

"Actually I think it's because his body unconsciously craves the phenylethylamine found in chocolate, which in turn releases dopamine," Reid said. "And, more obviously, chocolate has seratonin." Reid grinned. "Why does his body crave these? Because Hotch is bored and wants to feel like he's in love."

Hotch was stiffer than a rock, his expression stubbornly unchanging.

Reid opened his mouth to speak, snapped it shut, and then turned back to the table. "Rossi," he said, words going at lightning speed. "You always order strawberry because you think that it's sweeter than the other flavors but also because you want to watch your health in public so you go for the fruit flavor. Too bad for you but I already know that strawberry ice cream frequently has more sugar than, say, chocolate or vanilla."

"Hey!" Rossi said. "I like strawberries."

"And JJ," Reid said. "You order sugar like this because you _never_ eat sugar at home or in the office, but you really, really want to, so when you're out at a place like this your mind goes into overdrive and orders everything on the menu because it knows it's going to get a sugar high."

JJ just blinked at him. "That's pretty much the most obvious profile in the world," she said after a moment. "And I've never denied it. Sugar is evil. I only eat it when the binge is worth it."

Reid was very obviously surprised by her calm acceptance of his profile.

"You haven't even eaten sugar yet, and you're already high," Rossi said.

"Probably on the fumes," Morgan mused.

Alex had a different theory, thinking that Reid had thought perhaps a bit too much about what had happened earlier.

She also had a theory that she knew exactly who Reid was crushing on...and said crushee was calmly eating her ice cream sundae and sitting a bit too close to him on the bench. Poor Reid.

A taste for the _real_ sugar in the restaurant and no chance at getting any.

Their ice cream came, profiling battle over, until JJ suddenly looked up. "Wait, Spence," she said, laying a hand on his arm and making the genius freeze in his place. "You didn't do Alex."

Alex raised her eyebrows, in the middle of biting off the tip of her plain vanilla cone, lips smeared with cream.

She licked her mouth off self consciously, wondering if she imagined everyone at the table watching.

"Um," Reid said. "I don't know." He studied her for a moment longer. "But it's honestly not what I would have predicted her eating. I would have guessed at something more daring, like the lemon."

"Daring?" Hotch said softly. "So you're saying vanilla isn't daring?"

"So you're saying that Alex would pick a risque ice cream flavor just to rebel?" Morgan questioned.

"Well, yes," Reid said. "She plays by the rules but only because she has to. She doesn't have a particular _fondness_ of rules; it's quite the opposite, she hates them, but she's played this game long enough to know that it's the only way to get anywhere." He frowned a little, his gaze shooting to Hotch, before returning to Alex. Alex knew that her cheeks were bright red and hoped that Hotch was in better control of his facial tics today.

"So she orders vanilla," Reid said, a bit softer, actually considering it now. "Vanilla. The plainest flavor yet, more popular than chocolate. She doesn't get any toppings; it's not a sundae, it's just a plain cone. We could definitely say that it's just because she likes the flavor but there's a bit more to it than that." He nodded. "Yeah, a lot more. She can tell that people expect her to order something daring; her only way to rebel, let's say. A lot of people do that, on purpose or not. But she doesn't like to be typical, yet she _does_ want to rebel. Therefore, the vanilla cone. By not rebelling, she _is_ rebelling."

"Well done, Spence," JJ said. "That actually really fits."

Alex finished her cone, feeling a flush hot on her cheeks from how well he'd read her. "And maybe," she said, standing up. "A certain genius should keep his mouth closed next time." She looked at Hotch, and there was a twitch of a grin on the boss's mouth.

"And Reid," Hotch began. "Reid orders dairy milk ice cream specifically because he knows that people will rag on him for it. He knows that he'll get at least JJ and Rossi to scold him for it and he likes that kind of attention, because it means that they still watch what he's doing." His eyes narrowed. "Especially JJ."

"I order dairy ice cream because nondairy ice cream is terrible," Reid said, his cheeks bright red and his eyes bright.

JJ was looking at him over her sundae. "Why do you want me to pay more attention to you than I already do?" She asked innocently. "We were partnered together this whole case."

Silence. One time Reid was unwilling to give the answer.

* * *

A/N: Seriously not sure what happened with this chapter but all of a sudden Reid was sexually frustrated and talking too much. It was supposed to be more playful but a different side of him was coming out. Not quite the simple prompt my dear _MiladyGirl_ gave, but I hope she'll like it :)

And profiling is **not** my strong suit so please don't take any of this too seriously.


End file.
